pain, pain, go away

Behind the facade of a happy face, there lies a thousand of secrets and rage. 

I think one of the things that makes us human is our ability to express our feelings to anyone who we can trust. Keeping it all inside won't help us, in fact it destroys us. We may have a secret or two that we keep to ourself, we can only be transparent to us. but the basis of it all is that we need to at least talk to someone about how our day goes, maybe how the chicken we ate for dinner last night was terrible the restaurant should just be banned for serving that chicken, or maybe about how bad our test marks are there is no hope for us to improve at all, how our bank account can't even afford to pay our spotify premium this month, how annoying this one particular teacher at school, how lonely we really feel even though we're surrounded by a sea of people, how cold the weather is maybe a warm hug would help, how lovely the day is but we still prefer to stay at home- how lonely tonight gets, how suddenly our mood shifts from bad to worst, basically everything, you know what i mean? It sure as hell keep us sane. 

but not everyone is lucky to have that someone to share everything with. 

some of us just swallow that chicken and maybe write a complain on that restaurant's facebook page, some of us cried right on spot after receiving our marks, some of us proceed to use spotify basic hoping we could earn enough to pay for next month, some of us can only curse this teacher alone, some of us continue to pretend to enjoy being in the sea of people no matter how messy it gets, some of us can only afford to hug ourself, some of us enjoy that lovely day alone, some of us carry on with the crazy mood shifts. some of us move on.

I know it makes no sense that maybe we still do it anyway, no matter we share it with someone or not but if you ever feel so isolated, so lonely that maybe everything we do is hardly likely to be interesting without sharing it with someone, you'll know what i say does make sense. It makes us human, it makes us feel alive. That's why people cry when they lost someone who listen to them everyday, someone they once shared everything with. You'll say it's because of love, or maybe attachment, i say it's because of the little things like this. Once we share a part of ourself with someone, we can never be whole again. That's the price we pay for the most basic human thing, feelings. 

It's exhausting to keep it all inside. That's why i write it all out. There are still bits and chunks of story, here and there that i might never write here. Still, in a way, it helps.